Piranha [2010] (9/4/12)

Piranha 3-DMovie Two Hundred Six

Piranha has, what else, piranhas attacking a lake during spring break.

A fisherman (played by Richard Dreyfuss in a glaring Jaws homage) on Lake Victoria is disturbed by an earthquake that unleashes whirlpool and a prehistoric relative of the piranha who promptly tear him to shreds. Spring break on the lake is ramping up as the piranha continue to eat everyone they can. Throw in a parody of Girls Gone Wild and as much T&A as possible, oh and some scientists…I mean, who else is going to stop these piranhas?! So it’s up to the sheriff (Elizabeth Shue) and seismology expert (Adam Scott) to save the day. *note: the plot synopsis on Wikipedia is WAY too long for a movie like this*

I’m not above movies like Piranha (aka Piranha 3D, apparently), but I also kind of hate that movies like this exist and people pay money to see them. Poor Richard Dreyfuss, who looks terrible by the way, does he need a paycheck that badly? It’s not that I hated the film, I was expecting stupid and Piranha certainly delivers stupid but it also delivers nudity, violence, and even a few laughs. It’s a dumb movie that knows it’s a dumb movie and has a bit of fun but it’s also pointless. I’ll also say that I was shocked that no extras were killed during the massacre in the finale. I was really expecting a spring breaker to fall and kill themselves or get run over by a boat or something.

Reasons to see Piranha:

  1. You like seeing nudity and don’t realize the Internet exists
  2. You like horrible CGI fish
  3. You like CGI penises (IN 3D!!!)  being eaten by fish
  4. You like cameos from Richard Dreyfuss and Christopher Lloyd
  5. You want to see every actor in a film totally phoning it in
  6. You like spring break on falsified lakes
  7. You’ve always wondered just how annoying Jerry O’Connell can be
  8. You like saying “piranha”

Yeah, that’s about all I can come up with.

I give it 2 mangled leg effects (warning, kind of graphic) out of 5.

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